Tuesday, December 22, 2009

2009 Recollections: I Wish I Was Better


January (18)
Our deemed annual remembering.
For me it’s the fifth.
I don’t know with you. Did you start counting again?

February (2)
            Jomai’s Birthday Surprise.
 Me, Jomai, Guillard

            Location: CS Department Faculty Lounge.
It entailed a little bit of mischievous acts like sneaking inside the folders in her laptop to get some pictures and luring her out from the venue while the rest are making preparations. :)

I paid your Meralco bill. Feels like I’m in being trusted with a house thing already. I like it. :)

March (3)
Our worst fight.   You took back the key.  One of my darkest nights. Never thought that you could do it. Never thought that I could walk that distance – alone.

Jomai and Guillard surprised me for my birthday.   


We made polvorons.
I treated them at Jollibee. :)

But still, it is my worst birthday.

The hell month. Three major projects due. Make-up classes and exams.

April (6)
            I chose to attend summer classes while everyone was up for the OJT.

            Bought Loving Angels by Laureatte Therrien.


 Angels Raphael and Santi

            Started reading Death Note manga.



You returned the key. Reconciliation. The sweetest that I could dream of...


‘Last night I wished on a falling star...’  Too bad, I cannot have that note you wrote.
May (4)
I did not join the field trip for my Philippine Institutions subject.  So I completed a project on acquiring every school in the Philippines named after Rizal.

I got an exemption from our Natural Science 1 final exam.

You were actually very upset that I agreed on meeting up with you the following day, knowing full well that the exemption list was not yet out.  You cannot accept it if I have to cancel our meeting because I was taking up an examination.  You would get hurt. But, I knew myself. J I calculated.  And I was 98.9% percent sure I was going to make it at the exemption list.  Yes, I knew I impressed you. :)

End of summer classes.

My Natural Science 1 class. :)

June (1)
            I am officially a fourth year college student.

Attended TEDxUP.  But it was only a series of projected videos at the Lecture Hall.  I was deeply impressed by the technology now available to help children with their studies.  It was like an industry already, and I call it – education technology.  Hehe.

You got terribly sick and texted me you cannot even stand and walk your way around.  So I hurried to your house.  You were crying when I opened the door.  You thought that I was not coming at all. I brought you something to eat.  I asked what happened (you did not understand that what I needed to know were the details), and it fueled your irritation once again.  The least you need is my irritating ignorance and insensitivity.  Fortunately, I was able to soften you down.  And fortunately, you liked the food I brought you, even if it was just instant noodles.  I was thinking you would want something cooked, like arrozcaldo.  I was actually skimming through the recipe as I was traveling and I was starting to get nervous that I might fail you again.  Finally, your fever notched several degrees down.  And there was nothing stopping you from going out.  Apparently, you had some business to attend to and I was not allowed to know what that was.  You did not answer me when I asked why you were still going out instead of resting.  Time had taught me not to pry and get very nosy, so I did not push you into it.  So, I just offered to boil the water you will be using to bathe.  I was glad when you conceded.

July (2)
I finally created my Facebook account.  The first Facebook app I tried was Pet Society.  If pets there were real, mine would be probably dead by now. XD

Solar eclipse seen at CS Department. I have not seen it though.  A popular Computer Science professor at the department was allegedly seen with students in front of the department.  They were reportedly holding what appears to be a sheet of material that will enable anyone to see the eclipse without harming his or her eyes.

            Graduation pictorial. 


It was happiness yet trepidation.

August (1)

Pancake House with Margot.  It was my first time.  I ate cinnamon.  Delicious! Especially that white creamy stuff you have to put as a coating before eating.  Yum, yum. :)

It is the first time (and probably the last) that you took me to the rooftop.  I watched your drenched hair get dry as the winds roughly blew its strands. We made up stories about the building that we saw, the car on the street, and the people in their homes.  When we got down, amazingly, the strands of your hair turned into a perfect curtain of soft silky black after being tossed and turned by the winds.

I am so excited for your birthday.  You were the one who invited me and made special requests.  It made me quite happy.   


So I had plans laid out.

September (0)
            FAILED plans. I made a major decision. I hope you understand.

Attended BFreeDay with friends at MegaTent, Meralco Avenue. J We got our free UP-designed SmartBro.  We were also very lucky during that day because we got everything else beyond the limits! Basketful of jellyace, overflowing Real Leaf, more than a serving of fishballs and squidballs, etc.! We even got very competitive when we got to the freedom board.  We wrote ‘UP’ in big, bold and red letters – covering other writings from students of different universities! Haha. :)

Guillard’s Birthday Surprise. It was not what I thought it would be. We utilized all the resources we can harness – Facebook, YahooMail, Gmail, MSPowerpoint, classroom, projector. :)

A professor caught me sneaking down the stairs. I was sneaking because I was being careful not to be seen by Guillard. XD

Special thanks to a professor who willingly lent to us the projector and joined the fun.

October (0)
Thesis Final Presentation.  Aubrey and I were the one in charge to do the talking.  We were wearing formal outfits.  And some people from Smart were actually invited.  It turned out great. :)

Me, Ate Ru, Ate Rose Ann, AÜ

            End of first semester.


November (0)

I am officially a graduating student.  The fastest enrolment I have ever experienced since I entered the university if it was not for the fact that I left my Form5 at the laboratory when I was about to pay my tuition fee. XD
           
Lileth’s Birthday Surprise. I disturbed her sleeping younger sis and busy mother – I raided her house at around 6:30am to 7:00am to give her my gift. Haha. :)

Started reading Stephenie Meyer’s series.   


Was not able to watch New Moon.

Bought Five People You Meet in Heaven by Mitch Albom at a booksale.


December (0)

            After nine years, I cut my hair super short. 

            Margot’s Birthday Date at Ministop.  We ate ice cream. :)

TEDxManila. An unforgettable experience.  I was a participant-turned-organizer. But it was worth it. I got free shirt, free pins, free food. :)

 
We were with one of the speakers, Mr. Iliac Diaz.


Web Science Laboratory Christmas Party. The first time that I had my stomach full the whole day.  I did not join the exchange gift but got lucky enough to win the raffle – I bagged a Cadbury chocolate. :)

You were once my Cadbury Romeo.

My first job interview.

Best Lantern Parade experience.  I was watching from the very front. The media cameras were directly in front of us.  I was able to see the fireworks from start to end – it was the first.  The experience was thrilling.  The night sky became a large monitor showcasing different lights from different directions.



Ice Cream House date with Margot. :) We ate cherries. :)









All of life is a journey.
Which paths we take, what we look back on,
And what we look forward to is up to us.
We determine our destination,
What kind of road we will take to get there,
And how happy we are when we get there.
Oliver Goldsmith

Saturday, November 7, 2009

Clow Card: The Fly

I picked a Clow Card: The Fly




The Fly (Reverse):  Confusion, carefulness, caring.  Look out above.

Just as I was thinking of you leaving me
There comes hope from this card that I picked
The Fly. It’s reversed. Well, what can I say,
Of course I thought you’ll never fly away

But if it is true
Why don’t you still come to rescue me
From this abyss of loneliness
From this cage of emptiness
Will the future be so far still
Will it not take effect so suddenly?
Can the card be wrong
Or I interpreted it incorrectly?

Confusion.
That is what is left when you said goodbye to me.
The point is that you did not leave me immediately.
You cared to still linger around
Finding me, searching still for my company
After you said goodbye to me.

Carefulness.
That is what I wanted for you to show me.
Didn’t you realize I am hurting badly.
Your presence makes me high, your presence makes me low
So please be careful with me, understand my anxiety
After you said goodbye to me, you could have been more
Caring.

So is the card lying?
Have I just construed it according to my liking?
Do I need now to look out above?
So I might get my hands ready
In case you change your mind
And you come flying toward me.

Tuesday, November 3, 2009

..Promises..

In general, we like to give promises..
And whether we accept it or not, we like to hear someone promise that things will be like the ones we hope them to be..
But these promises often break..
Then the next time you hear another promise, you take it as another false hope..
Sooner or later, you proved you’re right..
And so false hopes pile up..
And then you ask..
What is better..
..saying that things will come out better, saying versions of ‘don’t-worry-i’ll-be-here-forever’ lines.. ?
..or just being with someone you care not to lose..
..seeing yourselves happy together without any expectations of what each other is supposed to do..
..feeling contented with each others presence..
..and even if no words come out from anyone of you, you feel your dreams come true...

YouAndMe.java

import emotions.*;
private class YouAndMe {
private String you;
private String me;
private int arguments;
private boolean isUsOkay;
private boolean youHappy;
private boolean meHappy;
private boolean youFeelLoved;
private boolean meFeelLoved;
private YouAndMe(String you, String me, boolean isUsOkay, int arguments) {
this.you = you;
this.me = me;
this.isUsOkay = isUsOkay;
this.arguments = arguments;
youHappy = false;
meHappy = false;
youFeelLoved = false;
meFeelLoved = true;
}
private String willToBeTogether(){
if(youHappy && youFeelLoved && isUsOkay && (arguments == 0)){
return “We will be together!”;
}else{
return “We will not be together”;
}
}
private static void main(String arguments[]){
YouAndMe us = new YouAndMe(”best”, “angel”, false, arguments.length);
System.out.println(us.willBeTogether());
}
}

You Are Confusing Me

It started with goodbye
You look at me straight in the eye
There’s nothing stopping you
You’re going for your dreams
And I’m not in those…
I pleaded let me wait
I’ll change you’ll see, our dreams will all come true
‘Cause hey, we’ve come so far
I’m not going to lose you.
But it appears you’ve made up your mind
You’re gonna leave me behind.
So baby stop calling me
I thought you wanna be free
I want to be alone, I’d rather turn off my phone
‘Cause I can’t resist to answer
And still come when you asked me to…
I pleaded let me wait
I’ll change you’ll see, our dreams will all come true
‘Cause hey, we’ve come so far
I’m not going to lose you.
But it appears you’ve made up your mind
You’re gonna leave me behind.
Leave me now, if you must
You are confusing me
Goodbyes are endings, can’t you see
I still love you, can’t you feel
I pleaded let me wait
I’ll change you’ll see, our dreams will all come true
‘Cause hey, we’ve come so far
I’m not going to lose you.
But it appears you’ve made up your mind
You’re gonna leave me behind.
You’re gonna leave me behind.
You’re gonna leave me behind.

Rooftop

It was the first since the last
A month ago barely made me move
The same tune I sing
It goes like, baby, I still love you
Now you are beside me
Curled up and sleeping
It makes me want to kiss you
And whisper, baby, I still love you
Your calm, gentle touch
The smile I so miss
A perfect beside me, you make me lose my breath
Ironic, for you are my life
Then we went to the rooftop
Against the wind you brought me
Along with your dreams
You see the landscape, wide and big
I see the great height, I’m afraid to fall even more
‘Cause I know you can’t catch me
Baby, you’re leaving me…
I tried to look up
Saw the big clouds
You were so happy
And said they look sweet
You’re really heading up
Flying high to your dreams
Now you are beside me
Soon I’ll be lonely
I don’t know why I’m still here
Don’t give me hints you still love me..

Confused

I push you hard.
Yet I want to pull you for a tight kiss.
I ignore you well.
Yet I patiently wait for you to call me again.
I proudly smile.
Yet my heart cries out your name.
I think hard about you.
About the decision I made.
People might say I’m crazy.
But hey, do you understand me?
I need you.
But you do not need me.
I am happy with you.
But you are not with me.
I am just your friend, you say, your only friend.
You confuse me.
I thought you will marry me.

Numb

I’d like to stop thinking about you
About how you look at me saying,
“have I already told you I love you?”
I’d like to change my memories of you
Especially when you kiss the back of my hand
Seems like I still feel your lips touch mine
With every dream at night,
Your voice resounds in my head
When you told me “I’ll marry you”
Yes, I still hear you raging mad at me
Calling me angel, your only fantasy
Yes, I still feel you touching my face
As we kiss so tenderly
Yes, I still miss you so badly
Yes, I want to be numb ’cause it’s painful
When I still hear and feel you
Yes, I want to be numb ’cause it’s painful
To hear you say “goodbye”.

I Dream

At my side, I always seek you
I always think I saw you
These corners of my eyes are such sweet fools!
My imagination insists itself as truths!
I dream big happiness for our tomorrow
That we each find ways to cure each passing day’s sorrow
With silent tenderness of our smiles
Before we lay at night, before we close our eyes
I dream big hope for our tomorrow
But with such simplicity as that of a sunflower
Which faces the sun amidst cold air
May we do the same as we build our lair
I dream big faith and trust for our tomorrow
That though at times we must separate as we go
We find two rivers, shallow as they are, must flow
Toward one deep ocean, and that, we always know
I dream true love to embrace us
That we do all ways to make each other feel this power
In our delicate actions
In our words that draw inspirations
I love you.